I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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