and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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