just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
