The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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