bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
