why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Can Purell be used as lube?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
