I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
