i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
