Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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