Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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