Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
