I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
