I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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