I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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