i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
