there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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