Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
