My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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