Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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