I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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