OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
