i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
