i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
