and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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