so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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