It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
