You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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