what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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