how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
