So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
