You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
