I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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