So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
True college students do jello shots in the library
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
