I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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