I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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