Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
