dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
