Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
