i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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