Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
