This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I enjoy the company of your penis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
