this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
