I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
