whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
