vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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