I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
