im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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