Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
