I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
