Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
