I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize