I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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