You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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