I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
