dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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