I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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