the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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