Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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