yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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