So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
