You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
