I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Enjoy the penises
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
