don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
