My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
